No one teaches you to be a great manager. You do it because you care, but you’re largely making it up as you go along. If you’re finding it hard, you’re not alone – the chances are others are struggling with the same challenges. Read on to discover the five mistakes I made when I first became a manager, and what I wish I’d known to do differently.

1. Trying to do it all yourself

This might work for a while, but soon, because you’re good, helpful and accessible, you’ll manage more people, need to be across more things and you’ll have to put in more and more hours to keep up. You’ll start to feel exhausted and you might start becoming resentful, thinking: “Why am I working such long hours? Why don’t people care as much as me?”

Letting go is hard. You got to where you are through hard work and making yourself available, so how will you progress if you ease up on this?

Try this simple language shift to get started – from: “It’s quicker to do it myself” to “Who can I trust with this?”

2. Underestimating the power of relationships

It’s easy to see effective management as about task fulfilment – the right people doing the right things well, at the right time. And this is part of it. But if we only focus on results, we risk our team feeling like a collection of moving parts in a machine that you need to keep running.

If we want our teams to think for themselves, to go the extra mile, to persevere in the face of setbacks, then what we need above all else is high trust.

Think about all the ways you build trust with respondents and apply this to your people:

• Set expectations
• Reassure on confidentiality
• Get to know who they really are
• Value their opinion
• Respectfully challenge
• Acknowledge contribution
• Thank them for their time.

3. Thinking you need to have all the answers

I used to tell myself: “If I don’t know the answer, how am I helping my team?”

I learned that this belief was holding back not only me, but those I worked with. The instinct to know, to fix and to solve ran deep until in a session with my coach I realised I was being “an accidental diminisher.” I was denying people the chance to do the hard things that help them learn, build confidence and progress. Something clicked and I thought “my team are smart, resilient and they can figure stuff out”.

‘Support, don’t solve’ and ‘Do less, challenge more’ became my new mottos.

4. Tying your self-worth to the work

I work with a lot of insight professionals and the one thing they don’t lack is a strong work ethic, but what they often need to re-think is their relationship with work.

Linking our value and our worth to productivity or perfection is not healthy. If we get fewer tasks done, find something hard, or someone criticises our work, we tend to judge that either we didn’t work hard enough or are fundamentally not good enough.

How do we typically respond? We strive to produce more and be even more perfect. So how we break this cycle? 

We have to shift from being attached to the work, to caring about the work. If we are attached to the work and we make a mistake, we question our worth and value.

If we care, then we are still invested in making the work great, but the difference is that we are holding the work at arm’s length. We can objectively see the mistake and identify ways to have a better crack next time. 

5. Avoiding difficult conversations

The research industry is incredibly nice. We care about people and often put protecting someone’s feelings ahead of everything else. Fear of conflict, worry about the reaction, and sometimes just not knowing how to start can all hold us back.

As a manager, learning to handle difficult moments head-on is key to earning trust, building respect, and driving results.

To get started, prepare, but don’t overthink. Be clear on the issue and the outcome you want.

In the conversation, stick to facts over feelings. Saying “I noticed the report wasn’t ready on time, and I want to understand what happened,” keeps the tone constructive and curious.

Final thought

Remember, you don’t have to have all the answers or do it all yourself. Leading with care, curiosity, and courage will always steer you in the right direction. You’ve got this – and your team does too.

Zoe Fenn is founder of You Burn Bright